Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I'm not there yet


Writing this on my word processor on my flight from Thunder Bay to Toronto. The past 24 hours have been all over the place, and I feel like I'm in the middle of some cosmic tornado and I could get whipped out anywhere at anytime.

On Tuesday we finished packing. Putting my new life into a bag is no easy task, especially for people like me, who hate packing all together. The worst part is were packing to leave, packing for Katimavik was exciting (even if mum did most of it), but there's nothing fun about packing to leave. I think this is because there really isn't much fun about leaving at all. Sioux Lookout really stole my heart, and the people who live there are so welcoming it's painful to leave. I suppose for Landen this was too painful because he has rejected his transport to stay and work in Sioux Lookout at the Travel Information Center. For the rest of us the packing was like a time of morning, each of us arranging our own caskets to return to what we ran from. Most of us are unsure about going back to where we came from, namely because we don't have fond memories of that lifestyle.

For me, I know, I felt like a leech in my house, sucking the life out of my mother, and giving nothing in return. I associate Vancouver with that lifestyle and I know it will only be painful if I come back and continue to be a leech. Going back is hard, but it's actually a little easier to go back a changed person. Thanks again Katimavik!

Another part of Tuesday was spent playing the game “Bigger, Better, Best” which is a trading style game, two teams are each given a paper clip, the mission is to go out into the community and trade up to find the best item. To set the standard the mattress upstairs in the Prince house was one of the end results. We made few trades but we made them well. We traded our paper clip to Lynne for a martini mixer, the martini mixer to Shooma for a tri-pod stool, the stool for a 12 pack of Kraft Dinner (I know what you're thinking), then the Kraft Dinner to Out of the Cold shelter, for .... get this ... a wheelchair. Yeah.

Tuesday was important for another big reason, the 19th birthday of mister Cody Edmonton. Cody has been legal age to drink in Alberta for a year, and Quebec was no change, but he was a little disappointed when we arrived in Ontario, home of the 19 year old drinking limit. Cody had his first, and last (for now), drink at the 5th avenue club on Tuesday night. For his birthday we made a 16$ (half of our budget that was left for food) fettuccine Alfredo, his favourite meal, for his big day. There were chicken wings and cake, and we watched the movie “One Week” on Codys laptop. If you haven't seen One Week, watch it and you'll realize how appropriate it is (it has the fish from Kenora!).

That night we were up incredibly late. Sarah was adding the final touches to what is sort of like a Katimayearbook, we all wrote letters to everyone in the group and Sarah made a booklet of them. They were given to us the next morning and we're expected to wait until we get home to read them, my is burning in the bag at my feet right now. Sharon also stopped by that night to give Fraancois and I the last of the pictures, and she had cards full of pictures for everyone else in the group. She also entrusted Francois and I with a Meno-Ya-Win T-shirt and her own personal cook book. Now that I have that cook book they'll be one less reason for me to be a leech and one more reason to start being a daughter to be proud of, a daughter who cooks. We all stayed at the Prince house for a sleep over thing on the floor so that we could get ready to go bright and early.

The airport was a sensitive area, since non of us had really been there since we arrived on that particularity dark night. The first night had been weird for us because not only were we unfamiliar with Sioux Lookout but we were separated into two house a significant, and at the time, complicated distance apart. Now we looked at the little airport with sad eyes to be leaving. Landen came along to wish us good bye, along with Anne, chamber of commerce work partner and Landen's new boss, who drove up some of our bags. The first heart ache was watching Tiffany go, her flight went to Red Lake followed y Winnipeg. A tearful goodbye for a wonderful friend, Then there was the good bye with our spunky PL, Sarah, Landen, and Anne. I didn't cry until I saw them from the plane waving at us. The plane went high and I saw that spectacular overhead view of Sioux Lookout. Coupled with the waving it broke my heart to be leaving the place I love.

Awaiting me at Toronto airport will be even more heart ache. Francois and Jessica will head on to Ottawa, Andrew will be picked up by his dad, Cody will board his flight to Edmonton, and Kyle will be about 7 rows ahead of me on our flight to Vancouver. I often hear Katimavik alumni talk about the last day as “bittersweet, because you want to go home, but you don't want to leave your friends”. This day has been anything but sweet. Even the Whitespot burger I will inevitably be eating shortly after I touch down in Vancouver at 6pm could not brighten this. As a group we discussed a reunion in 8 years, one for each competency, in Montreal with Val ad Marie-France of course.

It makes me wonder, in the 6 months of Katimavik, will I have grown more than the 8 years from now? Katimavik works it's magic quickly and then leaves you to fend for yourself. It only makes sense to apply the principle proudly advertised on Sharon's T-shirt.

“The Journey of life is not to arrive at your grave in a well preserved body, but to slide in sideways at the last minute yelling 'Holy shit, what a ride!'”

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